When My ADHD Medication Stopped Working and Why it Reignited My Love for Life
Before you read today’s story, I want to start with a disclaimer. I am not a licensed medical professional. What works, or doesn’t work, for one person is not the same for someone else. Please speak to a licensed medical professional before altering the dosage of your medication 🙏🏻🤍 I am simply sharing a story based on personal experience. Thank you!
I had on a blue, silky blouse and a pair of black sweatpants when my Psychologist told me I had ADHD.
“You’ve been struggling,” she said into the camera. “Based on your test results,” she flipped the page, “I see you have a tendency to rush. You’re impulsive,” she looked up from the stack of papers.
“Yeah,” I said. I looked away from the camera so she wouldn’t see me cry. “That sounds about right,” I swallowed.
How had she known to use that word? Impulsive. I resent my attachment to it. Did she know I have a tendency to act on emotion, blurt something out, buy something I hadn’t planned to, or, hey, drive across the country without a plan? Remember that?
While I was glad to have an answer to the nagging question in my head: Do I have ADHD? I was startled by her brashness. She was intense, even. Like okay, Lady, I get it. Now what?
“There are two things you can do to improve your symptoms,” she said. “First, you can see a therapist. And second, you can try medication.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “How do I start?”
Within a few weeks, my Primary Care Doctor referred me to a therapist and prescribed a low dosage of medication. I had my reservations about taking it, but I resolved to give it a shot anyway. I wanted to know if this could be the magic potion that would cure my restlessness, impulsion, and distractibility.
The first day I took the little, green, extended-release pill I was on a plane bound for California. In my lap was a personalized booklet on my Human Design chart. I read the entire thing from cover to cover. Not only that, I took notes. Detailed notes of my findings and discoveries.
When I landed, I called my mom immediately.
“Mom,” I shouted into the phone, “I literally read half a book while I was on the plane. And not only that, I actually retained the information I was reading. This is amazing!”
For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of relief. Here was something I could do to help myself. I had found a solution to make the fidgeting subside and the restlessness go away. I could learn faster, read more, and apply my learnings to my work. For only $40/month, medication seemed like a pretty sweet deal.
And for a while, it was.
I continued to lead another successful round of Personal Brand Accelerator, made new content for social media, and tried new activities like tennis, sailing and long-distance running.
Even still, by the end of the summer, I had noticed changes in myself I couldn’t ignore. I had lost my appetite for travel and adventure, my curiosity for learning was stifled, and my appreciation for small, beautiful things had disappeared almost entirely. I didn’t care to listen to music, try new restaurants, or do things which had previously given me so much joy.
After 10 months of taking my medication, I had found myself on auto-pilot and going through the motions with little to no enthusiasm for my life.
I wasn’t happy like I used to be. I knew it, and so did my family and friends.
There was a decision to make. Would I continue, but perhaps, discuss altering the dosage or type of medication with my doctor? Or, would I stop altogether and go back to life the way it was before?
One morning, I woke up and thought, I don’t want to take this anymore. If it comes at the cost of my enthusiasm for life, that’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
So after consulting my doctor, I began the process to stop.
I made peace with the fact that I’d have to meet myself as I am: sometimes distracted, restless, and yes, even impulsive.
I would have to accept these parts of me and learn to work with them, not against them, to find the peace and equanimity I yearned to embody.
I’m not sure what will happen next, but I know I'm already beginning to feel better.
For the first time in a long time, I see a vision for my life that had previously eluded me. There’s an ember of hope that’s been reignited.
I’m going back to the basics.
And really, I’m just looking forward to falling in love with life again.
Tell me about a time that you lost your enthusiasm for life. How did you get it back? What helped you reignite the part of yourself that felt damp or missing? Hit ‘reply’ and tell me.
With love,
Anna Vatuone
Founder, Personal Brand Accelerator (Open for enrollment, apply now!)
P.S. I also want to add that medication can be an amazing and powerful tool for many people. I'm not knocking it AT ALL—just sharing my honest experience with it ❤️
